Growing up as the sibling of a child with disabilities shapes identity in ways that are both powerful and complex. Many siblings develop strengths earlier than their peers—empathy, maturity, flexibility, and an ability to read a room quickly. These traits often become defining parts of who they are as adults. But alongside this growth, there can be quieter challenges that influence how siblings see themselves.
One of the most common experiences siblings share is the feeling of being known only in relation to their brother or sister.
At school, in the community, even within extended family, siblings often hear:
- “Oh, you’re Liam’s sister?”
- “Aren’t you the brother of the child who…?”
- “You’re the sibling of the kid in the wheelchair, right?”
For many, their own name fades into the background. They become “the sib,” “the helper,” or “the sibling of the child with disabilities.” It’s subtle, but it has a lasting impact. When the world consistently identifies you by someone else’s needs, achievements, or challenges, it becomes harder to answer the internal question: Who am I outside of my family role?
Some children respond by working even harder to differentiate themselves—pushing to excel, to stand out, or to carve out a separate path. Others shrink inward, believing that their wants or accomplishments won’t matter as much. And some hover between the two, feeling torn between loyalty to their family and a desire to be recognized as their own person.
Identity formation happens in these nuanced, in-between spaces:
• Wanting to be seen, but not wanting to create more stress
• Wanting independence, but feeling guilty stepping away
• Wanting to help, but also wanting a life that is fully theirs
• Wanting people to know their name, not just the sibling connection
Over time, these internal patterns shape self-esteem, confidence, and the sibling’s understanding of their own purpose in the world.
The good news is that with support, siblings can develop a strong, grounded sense of self. When they have space to talk about their feelings—both the pride and the pressure—they begin to understand that their experiences are valid, their needs matter, and their identity is more than their role in the family.
Programs like Sibshops, mentorship from adult sibs, and intentional family conversations give siblings permission to explore who they are beyond their responsibilities. That space for self-discovery becomes one of the greatest protective factors for their long-term emotional health—and helps them step into adulthood with a clearer, stronger sense of who they truly are.
To support both parents and siblings in navigating these identity challenges, I’m hosting a virtual workshop on Wednesday, January 28th. This one-hour conversation will include insights from adult siblings who have lived these experiences—being known only as “the sib,” balancing pride with pressure, and learning to claim their own identity. We’ll explore practical ways parents can help their children feel seen, supported, and recognized as individuals, not just in relation to their sibling’s needs. Whether you’re a parent, caregiver, or an adult sib yourself, this session is a chance to learn, reflect, and build community as we move into the new year.
