In the yoga community, there is a movement of yoga as social justice. In non yoga terms, it’s basically to do no harm, use your voice for good, make changes in a peaceful way, and serve with no expectations. (This is really watered down.) My teacher is big on we can’t change the outside world. First, we have to change ourselves, become more peaceful, and then it may inspire others around us.
What I have noticed is the stronger my practice has gotten (one bonus of the pandemic), the louder my advocacy voice has gotten. After my father died, I did not run from my mat like with previous traumatic events. The practice was different and took a while to clear my head.
Being more present and being able to just observe what is happening is improving. I have noticed I tend to be a whole lot of zen until it comes to my brother or people with disabilities in general. Then I fly off the handle. I actually threaten someones job in one of my blow ups. And I did not apologize. What they were doing was inhumane and I said what I said.
I was talking to someone last night from my childhood. Not someone I talked with often and she felt the need to let me know a few things that are going on. It was interesting to hear someone else perspective looking from the outside. I could have easily gone down a different path. I did a lot of self medicating and self destructive behaviors while self numbing big T and little T traumas of my entire childhood. I remember the first time I read Choice Theory. It never occurred to me that those were all choices and I had the power to change the narrative. The “narrator” or “friends” were just thoughts and I could choose to not listen.
Will I ever learn to advocate peacefully? I have no idea. My father always said “don’t say much”. I was always rebellious and doing the opposite so here we are.