I have been traveling internationally for over twenty years.
I know how to navigate airports. I know how to pack light. I know how to move through a busy terminal with my bags and not miss a beat.
So when a taxi driver in Koh Samui, Thailand loaded my luggage onto a cart without me even thinking to ask — I almost laughed at myself.
Because in twenty years, I had never once used a luggage cart.
Not because they weren’t there. They were always there. I just never reached for one. I was so used to doing it myself that it never occurred to me that I didn’t have to struggle. That there was something — right there, available, free — that could make everything easier.
And just like that, one small moment cracked something open.
Sound familiar?
I think about siblings and I think about that luggage cart all the time now.
So many sibs move through life carrying everything themselves. The worry. The complicated feelings. The questions they don’t know how to ask. The loneliness of being in a family where so much attention — understandably — goes somewhere else.
And just like me in every airport for twenty years, they keep moving. Head down. Bags heavy. Managing.
Not because they aren’t strong. They are incredibly strong.
But sometimes struggling is a choice — and we don’t even realize we’re making it. Because no one ever pointed to the cart.
The Tools Are There
Here’s what I want every sib to know: there are people and things out there specifically designed to help you. Not your sibling. Not your parents. You.
Sibshops. These are peer support programs just for school-age brothers and sisters of kids with special needs. No explaining required. Just a room full of kids who already understand. You can find one near you at siblingsupport.org.
Therapy and counseling. Talking to someone — a therapist, a counselor, a school social worker — is not a sign that something is wrong with you. It’s a sign that you know yourself well enough to ask for support. That’s wisdom, not weakness.
Online communities. You don’t have to be in the same room to feel less alone. There are Facebook groups, forums, and networks full of sibs of all ages who are living the same experience. The Sibling Support Project hosts several, including SibNet and SibTeen.
Books and resources. Sometimes just reading about someone else’s experience — and recognizing yourself in it — is enough to shift something inside you.
The tools are there. They have always been there.
You Don’t Have to Struggle. That’s a Choice.
I’m not saying life as a sib is easy. It isn’t. And I’m not saying the hard feelings go away just because you ask for help. They don’t always.
But you do not have to white-knuckle your way through it alone. Asking for help is not weakness. It is not a burden. It is not something to be embarrassed about.
It’s just reaching for the luggage cart.
It was always there. Someone just had to show you.
What’s one tool or resource that has helped you as a sib — or as a parent of a sib? Share it in the comments. Someone reading this might need it today.
Love this Cheryl – it’s so true. For me, a big turning point (my version of the luggage cart…) was turning my phone off at night. Protecting my sleep. Recognising that 95% of things, really really could wait until the morning.
Yes- I learned that while my father was in hospice. There is literally nothing to be done in the middle of the night.