I was not planning writing about grief today. I had other outlines started. I had the chance to catch up with a friend. He is going through the same thing (minus the sib part) and we had a lovely dialogue about how it was showing up in our lives. It also will creep up during other events too. The capital terrorist attack defenitly re-triggered 9/11. I was waiting for the “second tower” to come down. I don’t watch the news normally but I found myself reading headlines and waiting.
How does grief show up for you? Here are a few things we talked about this morning.
1. Inability to focus
The ability to stay focused is extremely difficult right now. The littlest things will get me distracted. Attention was never a strong suit but I had it in check. I often find myself lost in a thought or just wanting to zone out to not think. By the end of the day, I’m done.
I recently pulled up to a clinic that I go to every week. I see the same students. Not a big deal. On this day, I didn’t want to get out of the car. It’s not that I don’t enjoy this group of students or wanting to work in my business. I called my husband. He convinced me to go in and do my thing. Another example is my yoga practice. Now, I’ve been here before so I knew this would probably happen. When you need your yoga practice the most, is when it’s the most difficult to do.
3. Crazy dreams
When my college roommate passed away suddenly, I had night terrors. My holistic physician told me to take chelated magnesium (this is not medical advice). This stopped the night terrors. I also take CBD at night as well. I wouldn’t say that I have been having night terrors again but definitely crazy dreams. Not about anything in particular. My yoga teacher told me once to think of it as your subconscious cleaning house and don’t attach to it. Most of the time I forget what it was by the time I have coffee.
Moody is an understatement. Definitely get to anger a bit quicker. Most that know me now know this is out of character. I know to stop and breathe. Use the tools I teach people to use every day.
5. Brain fog
This goes with number 1 and it’s more than just inattention. It’s retention and processing. I know I have to read over emails and instructions a few times before it sinks in. My circle has been patient. My husband knows that I didn’t process a conversation the first go round.
This ties in with brain fog because you aren’t thinking clearly. Sivanada used to say “I’m not the body, I’m not the mind”. Hard to remember in this state. You are not your thoughts nor are you a prisoner of your thoughts. January 6th would not have happened with rational thinking. The mind took over.
These are things to remember. It doesn’t matter who you are. Grief will pop up wether it’s loss of a loved one, after a traumatic event, or even if you wanted Trump to win. It will pass. It just takes some time and patience. Let’s not forget we are still in a pandemic.